Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
