how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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