i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I met the friendliest cop last night
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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