i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
this boner is exhausting
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
