i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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