Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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