Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
