I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
