You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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