Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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