I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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