3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
