so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
