operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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