I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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