Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
