got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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