no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
