i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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