I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So squirting runs in the family.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
jump out the window naked night went bad
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