I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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