Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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