new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
