Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
