K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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