So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
