check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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