hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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