I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
