Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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