Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
