Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
