the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
