the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
