doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
