the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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