They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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