the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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