Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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