I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My bed smells like the plague
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
