Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
