apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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