No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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