Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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