hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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