I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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