but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
