My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
