what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
