No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
