Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize