what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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