I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
