i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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