You really coming over, don't trick.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
