I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize