You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
