I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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