Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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