Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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