So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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