I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
