I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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