My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
