i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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