What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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